her smile.

1 Feb 2012
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8 mins

All I had was 8mins.

We haven’t been talking much on the phone lately, heck, we barely even text through the day now. Sometimes, I feel like just saying fuck-it! I’m getting tired of hoping to talk to him when I can be talking to someone else. I’m kinna getting tired of hoping to hear his voice but gets nothing because he gets caught up with his work.

Yesterday he said he’ll start studying for his military entry exam, which means even less time to speak to me. I feel like its better off to just fully stop talking but everytime I start thinking that, that’s when he’ll call. Just like tonight, I was feeling all blah and that’s when he called…our 8mins phone call.

He called to ask how my day was, then told me the things he still have to do. Within those 8mins, I was reminded why all this is worth it. He is worth it.

21 Jan 2012
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I wish his calls didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night just to tell me he loves me. Instead, I wish it was his arms being wrapped around me that woke me, so I can feel how much he loves me.

13 Jan 2012
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3 notes

2 yrs

I think it’s today…or was it yesterday? lol

I seriously don’t know when the real date it. We met online one Jan. 13, 2010. We didn’t have feelings for each other then and with our story, we never really knew what we are until…well…until now. We have strong feelings for each other and neither of us is talking to anyone else, so we’re basically the unlabeled couple. With that, we have decided to use our first chat as our anniversary. Even then, I still don’t know which of the actual date is our anniversary, is it 12 or 13 lol.

He called me last night and said, “Happy Anniversary, baby!” But, he knows that I consider ours on the 13th. But thinking about it, yes, we first talked on the 13…but that’s EST time, ha! I don’t remember if it was already past midnight his time, so technically, it could be the 12th for him lol. Well anyways, nothing biggie, I just thought about it.

We don’t have any gifts or anything to each other. This year, I didn’t even make any special vid or anything. We just talked quickly last night and then he called again this morning (5:30am EST). We skyped, but I was falling asleep already. It was nothing special, but still nice. It’s him :)

Lately, we have been planning to meet for the first time by the end of March/beg. of April. He always plan something, but never falls through, so I don’t really take it all seriously anymore lol. When the time comes, it comes. No rush. He can do his thing, I do my thing and at the end of the day, we have each other. I’m actually surprised we lasted this long. With all the crap we went through, we’re still here.

It’s great having someone you care for and returns that feeling. I love having someone I can laugh with and carry all sorts of conversation with. I learn so much from him and his positive personality. I can’t wait for the day when I can actually touch him, feel him, hug him, kiss him…just be with him. LDRs are most definitely hard, but when you’re with the right one, it makes it all worth it.

12 Jan 2012
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Ya, we’re rated R with our “puppy talk” lol!

5 Jan 2012
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1 note

Old emails

I texted him lastnight and he said he was still doing his work. I asked him to call me when he’s done, but he said he’s not sure when he’ll finish so I just said goodnight. I couldn’t sleep so I went through my old emails on my phone. I don’t have a lot of the older ones, because I deleted it this one time we had a fight. Luckily, he emailed me a picture of himself, replying to my first email to him. He still has all our emails and chat archives upto this day.

In about a week, it will be our 2 yrs anniversary. We’ve decided our anniversary is the day we started talking. We were pretty much “engaged” since the first night we talked so we went along with it. In a nutshell, when we were chatting, everything started as a joke and the joke became real. We’ve still never met, maybe one day we will :p

So ya, I was reading through it and I’ve decided to post some of my favourite mushy content from him. I don’t get any of these anymore. We’re just always goofing around with our texts. Once in a blue moon, he’ll say something like, “guess what”…. “I love you.” or, every now and then, he still says, “I love you princess”…that’s my fave! I love it when he says I’m his princess. I know, weird, but ya.

2/21/10

I ate brunch at red lobster but I only got the soup because of my throat. I’m at the mall walking around, I wish you were here with me, we could hold hands. I would take you to the lingerie place so you can model for me and maybe do a little something something in the fitting rooms lol. I’m thinking of always baby, muah muah muah

2/22/10

Hey mamacita, I’m on my way to work, I kind of feel better today thanks to you, I always feel good when I wake up knowing that you are in my life. You’re so good to me baby, I never want to lose you. I hope you have a great day, think about me ok, cuz I’m gonna he thinking about you all day

3/16/10

good morning sunshine… how’s my sleeping beauty… oh wait i forgot, i’m not supposed to talk to you early morning, i’ll just kiss you and squeeze you tight to let you know that i want to suffocate you and make you pop lol… you should go to the gym today so you fit into your wedding dress… i love you so much <insert my first name> <insert his last name>, you have no idea… make sure you don’t get caught up on chat with someone else unless you want them dead lol… j/k… i bet the FBI or CIA is reading my emails going… is this guy serious, i think he really will kill someone if his girl is cheating on him… lol… i should stop… love you princess… xoxo

I told him before that I don’t like talking in the morning. I mean, I’ll listen, but Idon’t like verbally talking. i like this email because this was the first time he put his last name with mine. It was so cute! he asked me if i was weirded out with it, I said I love it! also, I love how he pretends to act all jealous…too cute!

4/16/10

the truth is, whether you stop talking to me or not, i’m still gonna be trippin about you which is really affecting my work… the only time i can actually focus at work is when i know that you are happy, but when you’re not happy and i feel like you’re not gonna talk to me anymore, it really gets in my head and changes my character completely… if i stop talking to you then i might get fired for being edgy all the time, and if i keep talking to you then i will only be able to be my best when you’re happy but if you’re not then i’ll screw up… it’s always a lose lose for me

This was after one of our first few fights. We fought a lot before, more so because he would sleep early on me and i would talk to other guys. He’ll get jealous and get upset. He used to always talk to me for long hours and end with, “are you going to sleep now? are you going to talk to anyone else?” We also used to fight because sometimes he won’t even call or message me to say goodnight. I’m all up waiting for nothing. Now though, I’ve gotten accustomed to it.

Now, we don’t do any more of that, but I feel much, much closer and secure with him than ever. It’s just one of those, I know at the end of the day or the next, he’s still mine. As mentioned on my previous post, just having him talk to me at night alone, already shows a lot of dedication to me. It’s hard being a full-time worker, student, and a son/brother. He’s always taking his mom shopping, playing with his brother, having family time.

Well anyways, that’s all for now. It’s just nice to reminisce on the good ‘ol fun times. Honey moon stage is definitely over, aha!

I always used to ask him before, “What do you love about me?” He wouldn’t have an answer. He’ll keep saying, I love you for you. I always thought that was lame, but in all honesty, now I think that’s what love really is. If you say, I love her cuz she’s cute, she’s funny, she’s smart, this and that. What if one day, I had an accident and got a messed-up face, couldn’t talk and couldn’t think? Will he still love me then? So ya, I think true love is loving them because it’s them. You love them as a person, not because of how they make you feel based on what they do to you/for you.

30 Dec 2011
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You Are The One So I Make Sure I Behave!

BOOM! above all else, this is where this song hits the spot lol

30 Dec 2011
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“I don’t stop loving the person, I just find someone else to love more.” ~KRD

I used to hate it when my ex would say that to me. It always made me feel like he still loved her. Why would I want to be with someone who still loves his ex?

My ex and I broke-up almost 2 years ago now, well, “officially”. We tried to be friends then realized we couldn’t, so we didn’t talk for a couple of months. Somehow, we still manage to find each other and keep each other company and it didn’t help with the situation. He was always bringing up the fact that we could have made it work, if I just didn’t give up on us.

The problem with us was that we were just completely different people. We were the same in a sense that we were both family oriented. We were both athletic. We both had our own faith. It seemed like we were a match made in heaven, but our core values were complete opposite. There were a lot of things he thought were “ok”, which I found disrespectful to our relationship. He would apologize for hurting me, but not for his actions itself. He doesn’t think they’re wrong…but in fairness, he would stop doing it for the sake of not hurting me.

Eventually, he felt like he was losing his personality, while all along, the changes he was doing was just not cutting it for me. I walked away because it wasn’t healthy anymore. We kept fighting over the same things and I knew he was eventually going to resent me. I stayed with him even though I was already miserable because I thought if you really love someone, you stay, no matter what. I thought it was my “fault” if I just walked away from it. Afterall, we always managed to get back together after our break-ups, so maybe we were really meant to be.

He had such positive influence on me and despite him resisting, he later admitted that I had a positive impact on him. We were good for each other, but our difference in values made him like a walking time bomb, because he doesn’t know what is “right” or “wrong”, atleast based on my perception.

We tried to remain friends for almost another year. November 2010, his friend died and from it, we had a serious talk about life, “us”, everything. The day after that was when I put my foot down to tell him we’re not to speak again…at least not anytime soon.

It’s been over a year now since I last saw him, but we have exchanged messages 3 or 4 times this year. I realize that what he’s said to me before now makes a complete sense. I will always love him. Despite all the heart ache that we went through, I acknowledge the good from it and how he had pushed me to be a better person.

When you let go of someone you really cared for, you don’t just forget about everything, as if it never happened, you just move forward and learn from it all. I love him, in a sense that I will always have a special place in my heart for him, but I managed to find someone else to love more.

30 Dec 2011
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16 Dec 2011
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After almost 2 yrs of communicating, he finally grasp the concept of picture messaging lol. The cute part is, now he’s basically sending me the most random pictures, like a picture of a condom ad. He took a picture of a close-up of the ad…the tin had various flavor and texture, hence “colorful dick” lol!

My fave part is when he started sending me pictures of his dinner. I don’t know why he’d do that, I never asked. They’re nothing epic, it’s just cute to see what he’s about to eat…it kinna makes me feel like I’m with him…hahaha I know, I’m lame!

14 Dec 2011
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“…but now I know that the things that people inlove do to each other,…if they stay together, it’s not because they forget, it’s because they forgive.”

— David, Indecent Proposal